Friday, February 11, 2005

Stress levels rising.

The budget that I worked on, as expected, got rejected. I spent most of the afternoon yesterday tinkering with it. It is a very frustrating process and by 4pm I had mentaly and physically had it.

My job has a lot of responsibility. I have 6 people under me, I'm in charge of spending 100's of millions of dollars a year and 99% of the time I excel in what I do.

There is a part of me though , that thinks one day the PTB's will discover I am a fraud and find a way to get rid of me. I put on a tough exterior, but inside, a lot of days I'm terified I will be discovered. Essentially my job is very easy, at least to me anyways, and I wonder if they could get any shmo to do it.

It carries over in my personal life. I don't see what others do. With me, flatery gets you everywhere. I do recognize that I have been getting better. Over the past, lets say 6 months, my confidence has improved 5 fold. I have grown into a better human being. My good friends have noticed and commented on it and see the positive changes in me. For that I am glad and I am lucky to have them.

I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. I'm not perfect, I'm just a man.
I snapped at a few people, got angry. Got angry a lot. I am sorry to everyone I was bitchy and nasty to. I hope I can be forgiven. If you know me, you know I will have a harder time forgiving myself.


Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Worry much?

My motto... Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

I've got a list...
Paint my spare room. It's what needs to be done if I ever need to sell the the house.
Buy new shoes. If I need to go somewhere special, I can't wear the ones I have.
Write all my test scripts for my IT project in Sept. I may not be around at that time and I want to leave it in a good place.
Write my performance appraisals that are due in April.
Get the car's oil changed sooner rather than later.

In my defence these are pretty easy things to do. I lead a pretty simple life all in all.
Doing all this stuff will give me time to be with and care about the people I love. In the end this is what matters and what we will be remembered for.

Song: Home, Michael Buble **Folks this one is a tear jerker and quite menaingful for me. I bought it on itunes this morning and just kept listening to it over and over.** Click on the link, go to his website, the song plays.. that easy.
Reading: Murder at Moot Point
Project: Work ahead, Business lunch, Swim.
Words of wisdom: There is too little contact among world leaders

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

My feet are wet!

My feet are damp.. The cause... leaky shoes. I guess it's time to buy a new pair. Winter just ruins everything.

I'm still undecided about the pipe repair. Anyone have any idea how to loosen the sealent on plastic pipes?

Song: Turn To You, The Go-Go's
Reading: Murder at Moot Point
Project: Work, go to the folks house for waffles.
Words of wisdom: There is too little contact among world leaders

Monday, February 07, 2005

How Strange is That???

As part of my November resolutions, I commited not to buy any new clothes until at least July. I bought a bunch of work clothes in December and here is what I did...
I left them in the bag. I pull one article out every month. It's like a surprise or something.
It also lets me rotate my wardrobe a bit. This month a pale pink dress shirt.
I'm a complete goof huh?

In sadder news, I think my upstairs bathroom sink needs some new plumbing. It's developed a drip underneeth and it's too complicated to repair myself. The last bathroom sink problem was with the trap and that was a 5$ part and ten minutes of work. This one will require sealent and stuff.
I blame the plastic pipes. I'd almost rather have copper pipe sodered with metal.

Song: Lost Without Each Other, Hanson
Reading: Murder at Moot Point
Project: Polish some work off, swim.
Words of wisdom: Life's purpose of happiness can be gained only if people cultivate the basic human values of compassion, caring and forgiveness.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Sunday morning ramblings

Maroon 5 grows on you.
Fedoras or poor boy hats on men rarely work. Cowboy hats never work. Especially if you live in the city.
My ipod is very intuitive. I think it can read my mood sometimes.
Digital cable is worth it just for the streaming music chanels.
My neck gets sore when I nap, but not when I sleep at night.
A car is the most under-used and over-paid-for asset we own. Think about it. Purchase cost, insurance, gas, upkeep.
Grocery stores are becoming very crafty. It used to be that walking the perimeter of the store ensured you bought healthy and inexpensively. Now the smart stores lay traps (huge markup products) all throughout this area.
You have to be in the mood to do laundry.
Wal-mart does sell a lot of stuff for less.

Song: Hey Jude, The beatles
Reading: Murder at Moot Point
Project: Laundry, lift, relax, its sunday!
Words of wisdom: Material sucess and prosperity does not bring happieness or friends.